On a day meant for thankfulness, I sure didn't feel as thankful as I had hoped.
I don't think I've ever cried more tears on Thanksgiving than I did yesterday.
Tears of sadness. Of not having anyone to share the holiday with. Of wanting to be with family then more tears that family isn't fitting my ideal "Leave it to Beaver" perfection at the moment.
Don't get me wrong, I started out the day with a great run with Hannah, and a wonderful meal with lots of friends in the evening, followed by football on tv and silly conversation. The befores and afters really got to me though.
Sitting in an empty house for hours on end waiting for the clock to reach the appropriate time to arrive for dinner. Coming home to the same empty house after feeding cats at someone else's empty house. Having too many phone conversations with family end in tears this week.
Wondering when God is going to see fit to change something in my life so I'm not writing this same blogpost next year.
I've always hated fall and winter. I've seen it as a time of death...everything once green and lush is turing dry, brown and brittle. But maybe this year I'll approach the seasons with the attitude that this chapter of my life is ending and something even better is around the corner.
What it is?
I have no idea. And the truth is, I don't really care. I just pray that God changes something in my life, anything really...I'd move...somewhere else in the city, another place in the country or anywhere around the world, change jobs, find a new passion/hobby, meet someone (gasp...lets be praying extra for this option) or who knows what else God might do...I just pray it happens soon.
Sorry to end the week on a melancholy note...but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.
Ps. Please don't be worried about me, or my mental/emotional health. I write what I'm feeling but I'm not in some deep dark depression or anything like that. This is a glimpse into my mind and heart at this moment in time. The next moment might bring something very different.
Winter has always brought a special promise to me - the gift of hope and a promise of spring. The brittle cold brings beautiful ice crystals on the trees and the buds of new life are protected. I pray you will find the beauty in this journey you are on. For those of us looking in, we can see the beauty that God has brought forth in you...beauty that would not be there without the endurance of the bitter cold and emptiness that you feel at times. Praying this season in your life will be brief and the desires of your heart be fulfilled
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