Silver Lining

Man, it's been a heavy few days.  On Monday I found out my family dentist of over 20 years was trapped in an avalanche on Saturday and is yet to be found.

Then, Monday afternoon, the Boston Marathon bombings.

What is this world coming to?  What is wrong with people?

My grief was compounded.  First, a man who was so much more than just a dentist, is most likely dead.  Second, some idiots bring terror and horror to what, for many runners, is the apex of their running career.

It shook me in a few ways.

First, the potential loss of someone dear to my family reopened wounds of my own father's death almost 11 years ago.  Without knowing it, I've lulled myself into a false sense of security, dependent on a few people, critical in the lives of me in my family immediately following the death of my dad.

Mitch Hungate stepped in and took my little brother (in high school at the time) under his wing.  They went hiking, took the boats out, spent time together man and boy, which was just what my brother needed.  My dad was sick or injured most of Josh's life which made the normal father-son relationship very difficult.  Mitch stepped in and put in time, logged hours and was someone Josh knew he could count on, turn to, and just simply be with.

Another man dear to me is Larry.  Larry has been part of our family since Josh was a baby.  His middle daughter was a student in my mom's class which led to his wife being Josh's babysitter and so much more.  Larry spent hours upon hours with my dad near the end.  Sitting and talking, sharing the love of Christ with my stubborn father.  Larry, at Papa's request, officiated his memorial service and a few years later, also married my mom and her new husband Kurt.  Papa trusted Larry with us when he passed and I know if I am ever in need, Larry will be there.  And if God ever blesses me with a husband, Larry will be the one who marries me off.

The potential loss of these men never occurred to me until Monday morning.  I hadn't realized that I had comforted myself by knowing these men who love my family are out there, somewhere, and if we ever needed, we could reach out and they wouldn't hesitate to be there.  A small part of me feels foolish for allowing the void my father left to be partially filled by other men who stepped up in the days and weeks of our deepest sorrow and anguish.

Part of me thinks its natural to comfort yourself with anything possible.  But I guess what is most surprising to me, is that I never realized I did it.  Until now.  Until it's maybe too late to let one of them know how much he meant to me.  But it's given me reason to reach out to the other.

Trying not to be swept up in grief that was added to by the news of the Boston bombings Monday afternoon, I was starting to detach and become numb.  Push it to the back of my mind and try not to think on it.

Wait.  That's what I would do.  Wait out this dark cloud.  Fast forward to the end...to see how it all turned out.  Not feel anything in the meantime, but put those emotions on pause and wait until the (hopefully) happy ending to start feeling again.

Then, God smacked me in the head.  But a good smack.  A smack that says, "Girl!  Wake up!  I am in control and there is Good all around you!  Are you looking for it?!"

I wasn't.  So He shoved it in my face...read on peeps...read on...

A few months ago, I posted this blog about waiting and how everyone is waiting for something.  Then I posted this blog about how a lot of the prayers of my friends had been answered...those same friends who were waiting just weeks before, were now celebrating God's goodness.

Well, one of those stories of waiting goes a little like this:

Trying.  Praying. Trying. Trying.  Waiting. Hoping.  Waiting. Praying.  Change of plan.  Waiting.  Hoping.  Praying.  Waiting.  Waiting. Waiting.  Answered Prayer?  Set back.  Disappointment.  Heart break.  Praying. Giving up. Praying. Changing mind.  Renewed Hope. Praying. Waiting.  Hoping.  Praying.  Answered Prayer!  Celebrate God's gifts, rejoice in God's Goodness! And now, just a few months after that answered prayer, another blessing is on the way!

It doesn't matter the details.  What matters is that the praying never stopped.  Even in the darkest moments when the grief was just too much to bear, there was faith and hope in a God that is Good.  All the time.  Sure, things don't always look exactly as we think they will, but even when we can't see it, God is working, setting things in motion, preparing our hearts and minds for what is to come and in His perfect timing His gifts will overwhelm even your wildest dreams.

Through someone I love, God has shown me that even when grief seems overwhelming, and things seem to be piling up, you don't have to look very far to see blessings, gifts, and His work.  Life is never "all bad" there is always good to be found.  It's as simple as looking to Him.  There is always a silver lining.  His name is Jesus.