Advice, Freely Given

Several girls/women have asked me lately about guy stuff.  Ya know, the usual, "this is what happened...does he like me?"  Uh....yeah...I dunno!

Actually, that's not what I tell them.  What I say is exactly what I tell myself when I start to play the "overanalyze-and-read-into-everything-he-says-and-does-and-every-little-look-he-might-have-thrown-my-way" game.

I say this:  If a man is truly interested in pursuing you, he'll be intentional.  Nothing you say or don't say will dissuade him.  He'll let you know that he is interested and he'll be intentional about it.  Until that time...business as usual.

There were too many years of my life spent chasing men.  Trying to figure out how to make them notice me, ask me out, etc.  Eventually I realized that it was never enough and way too much all at the same time.  Too much of me and not enough of HIM.

When I looked back after dating several men who I thought I would marry, I noticed that I had pursued them all.  Well, to be more accurate, I had persuaded them to pursue me.  Then I questioned...did they really like me or was it just easier to be with me than to tell me no?  Would they have intentionally pursued me if I hadn't forced encouraged them into it?  Lets not mince words here people, I think I could have saved myself a TON of heartache if I'd waited...let them decide if they wanted to be with me, instead of convincing them they did.

Insecurity sets in.  Has anyone ever really loved me?  Ok, that's a little dramatic...I know that at least the majority of the guys who said they loved me actually did.  But that doesn't change the fact that I, in most cases, was the instigator of the relationships.

I'm not telling young women to play hard to get.  I'm telling young women, women of all ages for that matter, to go about their lives.  Do life as God is calling you.  Interact with the single men that come along as you would anyone else.  Don't fall all over yourself to get noticed, don't go out of your way to "bump" into him.  Stop spending hours upon hours of your day trying to figure out exactly what he meant when he said "see ya later" or asked how you're doing or wondering what you did wrong because you haven't heard from him in a few days.  Just quit it!  If he is into you, he'll step up and make a move.  He either likes you, or he doesn't..no amount of trying to decipher "man speak" or choreographing every possible encounter/ conversation/ response/ outcome will help.  He'll let you know that he wants to pursue you INTENTIONALLY.  Not casually.  Not sporadically.  Not in a way that's confusing or mystifying.  And if he doesn't...it's a good thing I just told you not to wait around because I've just saved you a bunch of wasted time!

It's so freeing to give it over to God.  To stop manipulating situations in hopes that you'll get the desired outcome and getting so frustrated when you don't.  I've never felt more free, just going about my life, living as God has called me and knowing that if HE has someone for me, I won't can't possibly miss it.

Whether he's a shy guy or Mr. Outgoing, he'll let you know, one way or another that he's into you.  Promise.

I'll be the first one to tell you it's easier said than done.  I continually have to remind myself not to try and figure out the best way to subtly flirt or wonder if he's really as cute/smart/funny/adorable as I think he is.  My besties will tell you that I reach out to them for prayer--for continued strength to keep my hands out of it and to allow God to be in control of the situation, to sit back and wait.  Prayers for wisdom in handling my interactions with him and not reading things into the situation that aren't really there.  Prayers that God will smack us both upside the head if we are meant to be together.  To not let the idea of something consume me when there is nothing there...yet.

At the end of the day, I'm happy being right where I'm at.  I've been in a lot, and I mean A LOT, of unhealthy relationships.  Ones that I didn't bother to consult with God on before jumping in feet first.  Relationships that I might have just manufactured into life when it would have been better to just stay friends/coworkers/strangers.  I'm not 100% certain God has a husband out there for me, but if HE does, I know HE won't let me walk right by him because my eyes are looking up and not around.

*Note, I'm saying "man" because there is a difference between men and boys...boys...we don't got time for that.