Silver Lining

Man, it's been a heavy few days.  On Monday I found out my family dentist of over 20 years was trapped in an avalanche on Saturday and is yet to be found.

Then, Monday afternoon, the Boston Marathon bombings.

What is this world coming to?  What is wrong with people?

My grief was compounded.  First, a man who was so much more than just a dentist, is most likely dead.  Second, some idiots bring terror and horror to what, for many runners, is the apex of their running career.

It shook me in a few ways.

First, the potential loss of someone dear to my family reopened wounds of my own father's death almost 11 years ago.  Without knowing it, I've lulled myself into a false sense of security, dependent on a few people, critical in the lives of me in my family immediately following the death of my dad.

Mitch Hungate stepped in and took my little brother (in high school at the time) under his wing.  They went hiking, took the boats out, spent time together man and boy, which was just what my brother needed.  My dad was sick or injured most of Josh's life which made the normal father-son relationship very difficult.  Mitch stepped in and put in time, logged hours and was someone Josh knew he could count on, turn to, and just simply be with.

Another man dear to me is Larry.  Larry has been part of our family since Josh was a baby.  His middle daughter was a student in my mom's class which led to his wife being Josh's babysitter and so much more.  Larry spent hours upon hours with my dad near the end.  Sitting and talking, sharing the love of Christ with my stubborn father.  Larry, at Papa's request, officiated his memorial service and a few years later, also married my mom and her new husband Kurt.  Papa trusted Larry with us when he passed and I know if I am ever in need, Larry will be there.  And if God ever blesses me with a husband, Larry will be the one who marries me off.

The potential loss of these men never occurred to me until Monday morning.  I hadn't realized that I had comforted myself by knowing these men who love my family are out there, somewhere, and if we ever needed, we could reach out and they wouldn't hesitate to be there.  A small part of me feels foolish for allowing the void my father left to be partially filled by other men who stepped up in the days and weeks of our deepest sorrow and anguish.

Part of me thinks its natural to comfort yourself with anything possible.  But I guess what is most surprising to me, is that I never realized I did it.  Until now.  Until it's maybe too late to let one of them know how much he meant to me.  But it's given me reason to reach out to the other.

Trying not to be swept up in grief that was added to by the news of the Boston bombings Monday afternoon, I was starting to detach and become numb.  Push it to the back of my mind and try not to think on it.

Wait.  That's what I would do.  Wait out this dark cloud.  Fast forward to the end...to see how it all turned out.  Not feel anything in the meantime, but put those emotions on pause and wait until the (hopefully) happy ending to start feeling again.

Then, God smacked me in the head.  But a good smack.  A smack that says, "Girl!  Wake up!  I am in control and there is Good all around you!  Are you looking for it?!"

I wasn't.  So He shoved it in my face...read on peeps...read on...

A few months ago, I posted this blog about waiting and how everyone is waiting for something.  Then I posted this blog about how a lot of the prayers of my friends had been answered...those same friends who were waiting just weeks before, were now celebrating God's goodness.

Well, one of those stories of waiting goes a little like this:

Trying.  Praying. Trying. Trying.  Waiting. Hoping.  Waiting. Praying.  Change of plan.  Waiting.  Hoping.  Praying.  Waiting.  Waiting. Waiting.  Answered Prayer?  Set back.  Disappointment.  Heart break.  Praying. Giving up. Praying. Changing mind.  Renewed Hope. Praying. Waiting.  Hoping.  Praying.  Answered Prayer!  Celebrate God's gifts, rejoice in God's Goodness! And now, just a few months after that answered prayer, another blessing is on the way!

It doesn't matter the details.  What matters is that the praying never stopped.  Even in the darkest moments when the grief was just too much to bear, there was faith and hope in a God that is Good.  All the time.  Sure, things don't always look exactly as we think they will, but even when we can't see it, God is working, setting things in motion, preparing our hearts and minds for what is to come and in His perfect timing His gifts will overwhelm even your wildest dreams.

Through someone I love, God has shown me that even when grief seems overwhelming, and things seem to be piling up, you don't have to look very far to see blessings, gifts, and His work.  Life is never "all bad" there is always good to be found.  It's as simple as looking to Him.  There is always a silver lining.  His name is Jesus.

Choosing Joy

Remember all those posts about hating the waiting process and how grumpy I have been lately?

Well, I'm feeling the attitude change I've been needing.

Recently, God has answered prayers in several of my friends lives.  Some of them I mentioned in this post...and here we are just a few weeks later and God has moved.  He's stopped the waiting, answered prayers, given gifts, shown His love, and given the desires of hearts.

Sure, I could sit here and be all fussy that their prayers were answered and mine hasn't been.  But instead, I'm sitting here, tears of JOY running down my face, because my friends are happy and my God is GOOD.  Faithful.  Gracious.  Loving.

I know that God doesn't just work in other people's lives, but He works in mine too.  And if He is answering their prayers, I know mine will someday be answered too.

This time of waiting is temporary.  I know that the friends and family who are still waiting will see God working in their lives, feel His presence and witness first-hand His ability to provide us with the desires of our heart.

I've determined that I can choose to be mad that I don't have what I want, or I can choose joy, as God provides all I need.

A husband isn't God's way of saying, "Good job Linsey!  Because you are so amazing, your prize is a husband!"  A husband is God's way of saying, "Linsey, you will better serve me with this person by your side.  I need to place this person in your life to continue to refine you."

When I think about it that way...maybe I'm ok waiting :)

Thankful November

Facebook is full of thanks this time of year and though I've always enjoyed reading what my friends and family are thankful for, I've never gotten in on the action though.

Lets change that...

Nov 1: I'm thankful that God has placed 3 lovely girls in my life that need an example of Christ's love, grace and mercy.  And though they wear me out, I cherish the love they have for me and all our silliness.

Nov 2: God has blessed me beyond belief with strong Christian women and I'm thankful that that circle is expanding.

Nov 3: So thankful for a bestie that can make me laugh so hard I cry but can also speak plain truth into my life and call me out on my crap.  Plus, I'm thankful that she feeds me on a regular basis--its so much nicer eating dinner with someone than eating alone!

Nov 4: Thankful that God has given me the ability (and desire) to run.  Through running I have built relationships and have been able to share my faith with people I never would have encountered otherwise.

Nov 5: It's a blessing to get up every morning and go to work with a smile on my face, never dreading my job.

Found this on Pinterest...such a great idea, and so cute.  Click the pic for the blog link!

Waiting...

The following blogpost was shared on a Women's ministry page I'm part of and is so well written I just HAD to share.  Click here for the site it was posted on.

I DON’T WAIT ANYMORE.

Posted by gracefortheroad in The MercyFebruary 3, 2012

When I was 16, I got a purity ring.

And when I was 25, I took it off.

I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it — it wasn’t a statement or an emotional thing. I just slipped it off my finger that day and, before tucking it away in a box, ran my finger around the words on the familiar gold band.

“True Love Waits.” Waits.

What’s it “waiting” for, anyway?

*****

I had my reasons for deciding not to wear it anymore. Other people might have other reasons. It’s a graveyard of hearts, this place where single church girls crash into their late 20s and early 30s. Churches see the symptoms. They scramble to reach out to the ever-growing young adult singles crowd who feels alienated by family-oriented services.

But there’s something bigger behind it than that.

Much bigger.

There are a lot of girls out there who don’t know who God is anymore – the God of their youth group years just isn’t working out. Back then, that God said to wait for sex until they are married, until He brings the right man along for a husband. They signed a card and put it on the altar and pledged to wait.

And wait they did.

*****

And waited and waited and waited.

Some of them have prayed their whole lives for a husband, and he hasn’t shown up. They’ve heard the advice to “be the woman God made you to be, focus on that, and then the husband will come.” They’ve read “Lady in Waiting,” gotten super involved in church and honed their domestic skills.

And still they wait.

More than a decade ago, a youth leader handed them a photocopied poem in Sunday School written to them from “God” that said, “The reason you don’t have anyone yet is because you’re not fully satisfied in Me. You have to be satisfied with Me and then when you least expect it, I’ll bring you the person I meant for you.”

And the girls see it posted on their bulletin boards from time to time.

“You’re right, God,” they say. “We’re not satisfied in you yet. We will put you first and then you can bring us a husband in your timing.”

But many of them – if they’re honest – will tell you that time has passed, and it’s wrecking their view of God.

If this is who God’s supposed to be, then He’s tragically late.

So some decide to chuck “Lady in Waiting” out the window … and possibly their virginity with it. Church goes next. God might go next, too. If He doesn’t answer these prayers after they’ve held up their end of the bargain, why would He answer any others?

Whether it was the fault of the leaders, the fault of us girls, or both, a tragedy happened back then.

A lot of girls were sold on a deal and not on a Savior.

*****

I had that poem on my bulletin board all through high school – the one where “God” was telling me to fall in love with Him first and then I would be able to fall in love with a husband later.

Who wrote that poem anyway?

Pretty sure it wasn’t God.

When Jesus was here on the earth, the crowds would follow Him because they saw He gave good things. But that’s not what He wanted. He wanted their hearts for Himself. So He would turn to them and say things like, “If you don’t love Me so much that every other relationship in your life looks like hate by comparison, you can’t follow Me.” (Matthew 10:34-39, paraphrase)

That sounds a lot different from the poem.

Christ is the source of everything we need and the giver of all good gifts … but in telling people about Him, it’s possible we’ve sold them on a solution for life’s problems and not life itself.

What if we as girls had learned early on that having Him was everything, not a means to the life we think He would want us to have.

If we had learned we don’t abstain from sex because we’re “waiting.” We abstain because we love Him.

If I’d had on my bulletin board, “Fall in love with Jesus.” That’s it. Bottom line. That’s everything you need to know, to work toward, to put your hope in.

If I’d learned who He is, what He wants, how to give Him everything, not “wait” so that one day I could give my everything to someone else.

If I’d learned that it’s not bad to pray for a husband, but that my greater prayer should be for Him to spend my life as He chooses for His glory.

If we as believers make that our message, things could be drastically different for a lot of girls wondering why the God they think they learned to follow doesn’t compute. It doesn’t necessarily stop the desire for a husband or end all feelings of loneliness, but it does show a God who provides, loves and gives infinite purpose even to our singleness rather than a God who categorically denies some who pray for husbands while seemingly giving freely to others.

It shows that while marriage is good, He is the greater goal.

*****

Don’t think I’ve done this perfectly.

I’d be deceiving you if you thought that. I’ve had relationships where I made major mistakes. I’ve gone through angst-ridden phases where I met with friends to plead together with God to bring us husbands. I’ve planned major life decisions around possibilities.

I lived like I was waiting for something.

And that’s why I slipped off my ring that day. It wasn’t that I wanted to sleep with people – I haven’t. It wasn’t a slap to True Love Waits, or to anyone who wears a purity ring – saving sex for marriage is good and is His design.

I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here.

I already have Him … and He is everything.

“Follow Christ for His own sake, if you follow Him at all.” – J.C. Ryle

Every Good And Perfect Gift

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17 

Our newest gift from God: 

Nephew at 2wks old.

He's my nephew. Yes-he is perfect, and we are so blessed to welcome him to our family.

Lovin on Nephew