Last week I posted about my struggle with food. Read about that here. Since then, I've been trying to really think about the things I put in my mouth and why I'm putting them in my mouth. At first I thought, well, I'll just eat healthy things all the time, like apples, veggies, lean protein, and then I won't have to worry about it.
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| Look for my green smoothie recipe on Friday! |
Well, people...I can tell you one thing-this girl sure has eaten a lot of fruit, veggies and lean protein. I even made a salmon dinner last week at work (check out Pinterest Thursday tomorrow for the recipe) but I've found that my unhealthy relationship with food has no boundaries.
It's not kept away by leafy greens and omega-3's.
It's not kept away by leafy greens and omega-3's.
Turns out that there is such thing as "too much of a good thing." I mean, sure, my body doesn't care quite as much when I eat too many grapes vs eating too many brownies, but spiritually there isn't a difference.
I can eat carrot sticks but still be sinning. Yep, that's right Lins, it's only partly about what you put in your mouth, the majority of the problem is the why you're putting it in your mouth. When I start eating to deal with an emotion or because I'm stressed, or just simply because something is sitting in front of me, it doesn't matter what I'm eating, it's wrong.
Food is meant to sustain life. To fuel our bodies and minds. It's not meant to be our shoulder to cry on, entertainment, best friend, therapist, pastor or savior. It doesn't matter if it's chocolate covered caramels or broccoli florets if my intent is not simply to nourish my body. Overeating is overeating. (I need to mention that under-eating is also equally as sinful...we are asked to treat our bodies as temples and neglecting to nourish the body is preventing it from functioning as God intended...)
Yes, overeating apples will get a different result than over eating cookies, but since my goal here isn't physical change (though that will be a result) but spiritual change, gorging on apples (or anything for that matter) is unacceptable.
Please don't mistake this post as a scolding (to you or to myself) but just as what it is-my thoughts on paper...ok, maybe not actual paper...but you know what I mean.
I've promised to be transparent, honest and open about my journey to a better relationship with God through fixing this issue of sin in my life so I feel its important to come clean when I've given into temptation...
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Last week I was asked to bring snacks to a thing I was attending. I came home one night around 930 and set out to make marshmallow caramel corn which is basically my new go-to snack...quick, easy, and super delicious. So, when it's done and cooling, I started my nightly routine of checking email, Facebook, etc. I just happened to be sitting right next to the pan of cooling popcorn. I said "go ahead, Linsey, have a little bite and be done." Which was fine. But it didn't stop there. "A bite" became a few bites and then the justification started..."you have enough calories left over, you worked out today, one more bite will be fine and then stop." But I couldn't. I ate too much...not a binge or anything, but I couldn't stop when I knew I needed to. Once I realized this, I quickly put the popcorn in a container with a lid, and placed it into a bag and set it by the door so I could grab it in the morning. I brushed my teeth and closed myself in my room for the remainder of the night.
I've thought about it and here is what I discovered:
*I have zero (or less than zero if that's possible) willpower/self control after about 7pm.
*When I'm tired I can't say no to sweets in particular.
*There is a point where I realize what I'm doing and actually make a conscious decision to keep eating even though I tell myself to stop.
*When I tell myself I can't have something I know that's the first thing I'm going to eat and I'll eat extra just to "punish" myself for telling me no.
*When other people are around I feel it's ok to eat whatever I want and in high quantities because either a) nobody will notice or b) others are doing the same.
On the flip side, here is how I've started to handle some of those things:
*I've started eating a healthy and filling snack before going into a group setting where I know food will be available, then I allow myself to eat as many fruits/veggies as I want and have one bite of something else...literally one bite...I took a spoon and scooped out a bite of cupcake and walked away...
*I brush my teeth and stay out of the kitchen when I know I'm reaching the point of "no-return"
* There is always a healthy snack in my backpack so I can grab it instead of making an impulse buy when I'm hungry and away from the house.
*I always know what I'm going to be eating next and when I can eat it, this prevents me from making rash decisions because I'm starving or don't know when I'll eat next.
*Praying each morning that God will remove obstacles to my honoring Him in this way and that He'll give me strength when I'm faced with temptation.
* I use a small bowl for anything that needs a bowl--cereal bowls are no longer in my rotation, and I also only use small salad plates for my food, this way it looks like I'm eating a lot but my portion sizes are within reason.
*When I recognize that I've made the conscious decision to over-do it, I don't berate myself but instead say, "Ok. That happened." walk away and take a few minutes to consider why/how it happened, pray for forgiveness for making food an idol and MOVE ON.
I don't believe it's healthy to beat yourself up over a misstep. My God knows I'm trying to honor Him and that it's HARD for me. He sees me struggle and is happy with my progress. He appreciates when I come to Him and ask forgiveness and helps me find ways to do better next time. If God can forgive us, shouldn't be be able to let it go and move on with change in mind for next time?
A wise woman once told me that it's impossible to expect yourself to go from an "F" in a certain area to an "A" the next time you face the same situation. Though ultimately our goal is to be like Jesus, we are human and progress vs. perfection is what we should be focused on. If I got an "F" last time, I should see the progress that's been made when I get a "D" next time. And improve from there for the time after that. Through God's work in and through us, we will become more like Jesus, it just won't happen overnight...though that sure would be nice, wouldn't it?
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